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of everyday absurdities

12/4/09 02:22 pm - Now that things are quiet....

I think I might take it upon myself to start writing in here again.


I don't like where I'm living and my lover and I separated and they are already dating someone else. I also don't like my job, however, my evenings are something to be desired.

It just seems like the right place to pick up writing in here again. Who knows, it might even help me keep track of my days.

11/10/09 01:32 pm - Shadows Marrying Shadows.

Well, that's all there is to it, really.

9/9/09 12:28 pm - Hello.

I seldom write in here anymore, though I'm sure that you've noticed that. I always seem to forget that I even have one of these things. I think my neglect to update can be linked to the fact that I don't have the internet at my apartment. Writing about my life at work seems pretty unappealing too and I feel weird doing the same when I'm at the library or something.

Anyway, some new thangs.........

I made a new friend, Matthew. He doesn't go to school, but he's still very well educated simply because he's an autodidact. I really admire that about him, as I do with anyone that reads just for the sake of learning. If I had to describe him and his easy-going ways, I would say that he walks slow. What I mean to say is that I like him because he takes his time and he seems to know that whoever he has waiting will continue to wait for him. I like people like that. People who linger to keep a good conversation going, no matter what their agenda or lack there of. We talk about philosophy and language and books. I like that he talks just for the sake of talking, not because he thinks it will get him anywhere. 

I'm also dating someone whom I adore. All of the apprehension and fear that I once felt before has been shooed away from my mind. I don't know how that came about, but I'm very content. We spend our weekends in the library together. We dive for records and books and watch french movies together, as well as any other type of film. We never talk about the same thing twice and we take walks together, reading prose poems as we trip over cracks in the sidewalks together, a price for reading and walking at the same time. It's very sweet and I love having someone to say goodnight to.

As for the apartment, I'm still there. Dave, K and I were looking into buying a house, but that might have to come a little bit later than what we had hoped for. None of us have full time jobs at this point in time. We can barely scrape by on 550 a month, let alone handle the increased payment for a house where utilities are not included. However, a good bit of news that I discovered is that we are no longer bound to the apartment by a contract for another year. Starting in September our lease goes month to month and we have to give thirty days notice in the event that we do find another place to live. I would love so much to move to a place with hardwood floors. There are so many beautiful and old places in New Cumberland and I wish to live in a place that suits me a little better.

7/20/09 03:46 pm

Our living room, however many obstacles it had to offer with its unbearably small space, has finally been rearranged. Thank the snow, because I desperately needed a change.

Dave and Cara went to see "Land of The Lost" last night across the street at the three dollar theater and with that K and I started tearing the place apart. We struggled to lift the incredibly heavy (and awkward to boot) entertainment center from one wall to the other and back again because we kept discovering problems with the cords and outlets and blah blah. It took much exertion, but we had the best time of it while listening to music and collapsing to the floor in mental exhaustion when several of our ideas failed to come together.

Dave came back just as we had sat down to relax and take in the changes. Of course he gave his input and we proceeded to spend another chunk of time moving this and that until he thought it was just right. I don't so much like the changes he made, but it will only have to do for another month.

We are all so terribly excited because we have the internet at home again. I finally bought a power adapter for us all to use and we have since then been huddled together on the couch looking at houses and correcting each others resumes. I figure if we all get day jobs and save for the next month we will do just fine with covering the increased rent that comes along with a house.

We really want to get a place with a basement, simply so we can throw shows. We also want a backyard and a bathroom with a tub just make things all the more enjoyable. I really miss having a tub and a yard.

That's about that. I might post pictures of our living room, but it's not really all that exciting. It was just a clever way to get through the night and make ourselves tired.

7/16/09 01:00 pm - You and I, we might be strangers. However close we get sometimes, it's like we never met.

I've been having a really great summer season.

I've been to a wedding with someone I adore. We walked amongst people in their formal wear talking of blessings and cheers while eating ice cream and neglecting our mentality that "marriage is a farce." Weddings are nice in that way. You can say whatever heartfelt thing you choose and no one questions whether it is an empty gesture. Everyone was  annoyingly happy despite the humidity of the dreaded Pennsylvania summer. I was happy to share it with someone that suggested we keep getting seconds, thirds, and fourths of the free homemade ice cream.

I've been to a party where everyone stripped and got into the pool together. We adjourned to to the basement, soaking wet and laughing hard to play cards in our underwear. It was exceptionally funny because Rob's grandmother's caretaker heard all the commotion and came to ask if we could keep the noise down. She was utterly shocked by our appearance and that girls and boys can sit and play cards together in the near nude without it turning into something saucy. She exited quickly and Rob is now under house arrest for his stunt. We are partially to blame of course and I miss seeing Rob. He claims it was worth it though and we are all in agreement about that.

Angela's parents have been away all week too. She has a beautiful back yard with a single maple tree next to her pool deck. The branches hung low enough to create sort of a fort effect. I suggested that we all sit under the canopy-like branches and we all spent a few hours out there just drinking beer and smoking ciggs. I got to make some new friends too by sitting and chatting with them in the street. We all even laid down on the asphalt together and fell silent under the moon. It was one of those breezy nights and you could see the clouds moving around inside all of that black. Tyler and I stayed there the longest. I could have slept there next to him. The street felt was still warm from the day and it made me tired and calm.

Though it's been a good season so far, it has also been mournful at times. About two months ago my friend Jimmy called up one of his friends in the early morning and he requested that his friend drive him to the interstate. When they arrived there Jimmy asked his friend to stop the car. With that he exited the car and told his friend not to tell anyone where he was going. He said that he just wanted to live like a bum for a year and clear his head.

It turns out that Jimmy made it as far as Montana. He was canoeing somewhere when something happened and he ended up passing away. It's shocked everyone, no doubt. I think we all find it most shocking because you don't expect anything bad to happen to someone when they are headed out west in search of some peace. You expect them to return home fulfilled and settled and content. You never think that they will come home in a coffin like they were just sent home from some great war.

If his funeral is this week, I don't think I will be in much of a mood to go to Pittsburgh any longer. Jimmy was not one of my best friends, but he came over a lot for a while and slept on our couch and sometimes even on the floor in my room. We would talk about this thing that he wanted to do sometimes. 

I know that boys don't cry, but there is something about the way they only talk about things in smoke-filled basements with too many mirrors or under maple trees in darkened back yards or lying in the middle of street wondering when the sky will crack open. They talk about things that affect them with such indifference that it makes it all the more heartbreaking to me. It's like someone just came along and told them a secret about how to not give a fuck one day. Or maybe someone told them that it was weak to care. I sort of saw that in Jimmy; that indifference and disinterest in his own fate. However, whenever all the beer was gone and we would try to sleep as the sun rose he would talk in that sad indifferent way.

I hope his soul is okay.

7/6/09 03:47 pm

I lack structure and discipline and the ability to take others words of compassion for truth.

I would like to change all of this.

It would be nice to love someone and love myself in return.

It would be nice to talk to someone other than my cigarette.

7/1/09 12:38 pm

I hate the fourth of July weekend madness and all the fake American pride that comes with it, but I still can't help wanting to have all of my best friends over for a cook out on the roof.

One of my new friends is having a cook out in her enormous tree house. I want to combine forces. By combing forces I mean that I want to combine all of that comforting picnic food and beer into one glorious good time in the woods of Liverpool.

I love tree houses. I love the woods. I love grilled vegetables. I love sleeping outside. I love passing back and forth a bottle. I love campfires. I'm hoping that everything works out so that we can all be together.

6/26/09 02:06 pm

For nearly the entire month of June, Harrisburg has been victim to bouts of heartbreaking acts of violence, such as: six straight days of gun violence, a woman raped by three men at gun point in her own home and the murder-suicide of a brother and his special needs sister. All of these incredible acts have taken place in towns just too close to comfort.

People mourn the death of a pedophile superstar more than they do the loss of a once safe and beautiful city. I'm disgusted and heartbroken.

"Man wants chaos.
In fact, he's gotta have it.
Depression, strife, riots, murder, all this dread.
We're irresistibly drawn to that almost orgiastic state created out of death and destruction.
It's in all of us. We revel in it.
Sure, the media tries to put a sad face on these things,
painting them up as great human tragedies.
But we all know the function of the media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world, no.
Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them.
The powers that want us to be passive observers."



6/19/09 10:54 am

I had some time to sit around yesterday morning before I headed into work. I was looking through channels when I caught sight of The View. I haven't watched The View since I was attending school at Mansfield. I'm not especially attached to The View and I'm not especially attached to Anne Hathaway, whom just so happened to be their guest yesterday. I never really gave Anne Hathaway much credit as an actress because she always struck me as one of those Disney babies. I feel like she never had the chance to show what a diverse actress she has the potential to be until I saw her in "Rachel Getting Married." Her character was a complete contrast to anything else I've seen her do. Anyway, when she was on The View chatting with the other ladies, she happened to mention some of her upcoming endeavors. These endeavors ranged from Shakespeare in the park to playing Judy Garland in a film that is expected to go to theaters sometime down the line. I love Judy Garland and I suppose that is what started this whole rant.

Aside from that jazz, I'm doing well. I found a new place to park in Harrisburg so I don't get anymore parking tickets. It's a bit of a hike, but the walk is so beautiful. I even discovered a new cafe, antique marketplace and an Italian bistro where they give away freshly made bread. This particular section of town also hosts a lot of really old and beautiful row houses. I would very much like to live there one day if I can manage to. I'll have to keep checking for vacancy. It's very seldom that I find somewhere close to home that I'm in love with. I wouldn't mind spending a few years there on Verbeke street. I feel like it suits me.

Another thing I love about that particular street is that there are always people sitting outside on their stoops smoking their cigarettes. Take yesterday, for example. It was one of those stormy days where everything seemed to be tinted in blue. It wasn't raining yet, but you could smell it and see the clouds moving around inside all of that blue. I was on my lunch break and I decided to walk back to my car just to keep myself preoccupied. I leaned against the back of my station wagon with a book and cigarette in hand. After so long I put my book down and I noticed all of the other people around. There was a woman leaning in her doorway looking at me  with her arms crossed. She didn't look at me in a menacing way; it more so just merely acknowledging that we were both taking a break and enjoying the breeze together. There were other people on the street too that seemed to have no agenda other than to lean against the brick of their houses and finish their cigarettes. I guess it just struck me as one of those interesting human moments where we were all doing the same thing at the same time, taking in the same blue day and probably thinking about the same kind of thing.

Nothing else is really going on just now. It's Friday and I have discovered that, what with the way I'm living now, that I don't really anticipate the arrival of the weekend anymore. My nights always consist of staying up late and suffering through work the next day. It always feels like the weekend, which is a good thing I guess. I think tonight we're just going to play cards like always and walk down to the river again at night. Last time we went to a dock and sat in someones boat for about an hour. Karina had to keep tugging at the line connected to the dock to keep us from drifting too far away. I haven't laughed that hard in a good while.

Hopefully we will get up to something good.

6/9/09 12:17 pm

Most afternoons I sit watching Clean House with Karina. We pass back and forth a bottle usually and laugh at all of the silly people who reside in America. Clean House is this show on the style network with a sassy host. The host goes into homes where people hoard too much shit to even live comfortably in their own homes. The host, in her sassy ways, visits these people and convinces them to sell most of their shit in a yard sale. The money from the sale goes towards remodeling their home and making it presentable, to say the least. It's a funny concept for a show, I suppose; people with too much shit and they love it all.

We watch Jerry Springer and Maury too, but those two we all know well enough what they are about. It's nice to relax and spend the afternoons this way. Although, on the other side of things, I think we're getting slightly less intelligent with ever episode that we view.

There really isn't much else that is new in my life. Austin, Pat and Ryan are staying with me this weekend because they couldn't find a show in Pennsylvania again. I'm excited to spend the weekend with them and show them around New Cumberland. I feel that New Cumberland is most charming in the summer, simply because of the good late night walks and star gazing on the roof. Despite their visit, that seems to be about the only I'm looking forward to as of now.

I'll try to remind myself to be better about updating. Maybe when I become a roller derby announcer my life will take a more interesting turn instead of getting drunk in the afternoons with my best friend.
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